Saturday, December 19, 2009

9 Over-ratedness Things We'll Miss About 2009.

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Why was there so much hype about these things? 

1. Phyan: A portable Usha Fan can wrought more havoc than Cyclone Phyan. With hyped up media reports, Phyan was made to look like a Tsunami-Hurricane-Rape-Godzilla-Tornado-Armageddon. Instead, it made flowers blossom and young-couples make out with the nice, breezy, mild showers it brought with it. And thus establishing The Indian MET department as the India TV of MET departments across the world.


2. 2 States: Chetan Bhagat doesn't know when to stop. For a guy who speaks in broken, memorized English and gets bashed up almost daily in Twitter, he sure has a lot of balls coming up with another badly-written school-essay... er, 'novel'. This time, about 'love' and 'relationships' - but mostly about overplaying stereotypes and internet forwards he steals his jokes from. No wonder Chetan-bashing is such a hit!


3. Slumdog Millionaire: Do you feel nauseated at the fact that most of the world feels that 'Jai Ho' is India's national anthem? If yes, then you have to thank Danny Boyle's poverty-porn a.k.a Slumdog Millionaire. The movie was nothing special - it was like Mira Nair's 'Salaam Bombay' had intense, monkey sex with the Brazilian film, 'City of God' and Danny Boyle was taping the action from the far side of the room. Also, as proud we are of A.R.Rehman winning the Oscar, little did we know that he would totally sell-out and compose music for Bollywood trash like 'Blue', nay, 'Baloo'.


4. Celeb Wars: Round one: It's Shahrukh v/s Salman! Round two: It's Shahrukh v/s Aamir! Round Three: It's Salman v/s Vivek! Round four: It's Big B on a blogging vendetta. It's Akshay v/s Common Sense! Celeb wars can be tiring, And with Twitter and with celebs slowly learning what blogging is, us regular people have no respite, do we?


5. Obama's Peace Prize: Just goes to show how unnecessarily patronising and condescending the Nobel Peace Prize committee is. Obama had barely run the country for half a year and lo and behold, he already had a Nobel Peace Prize. I mean, that was not even worthy of an Ignobel prize! Unless you count beating McCain and Sarah Palin in the elections, now THAT deserves an award.



6. Shilpa Shetty's Wedding: Shilpa Shetty got married to a rich, divorced bank account... er, businessman. REALLY??? WHOA! I TOTALLY NEVER EXPECTED THAT! PEOPLE WITH NOSEJOBS GET MARRIED!??? ACTRESSES ARE GOLDDIGGERS??? MY GOD! THIS IS INSANE! THERE SHOULD BE BOOKS WRITTEN ON THIS!!!
If that wasn't your initial reaction to the wedding, then you know exactly what we mean.


7. Roadies: We can't point fingers without pointing some back, right? With promos going on for what seems like forever, you finally switch on the TV to see people make a fool of themselves and all you see is the last few seasons all over again. 'Roadies: Rearview' is then followed by the auditions which followed by 'Ride with Rannvijay'. The actual show never begins! It will, but, by then, it'll be called 'Roadies 8: We're late.'

8. Twitter: Twitter is the schizzle, right? It is the next best thing to the possible cure for cancer, right? It is the most ingenious thing to happen since edible underwear, right? Actually, no. Twitter is plainly put, a glorified status updater for all to see. If you tweak your Facebook page's privacy settings, you get the exact same thing with a million other applications! So Twitter is essentially one-hundredth a social networking site. But you can't bash Chetan Bhagat on Facebook, though. Or can you?


9. Twilight: Adding to the already insane number of things that men don't get about women, Twilight is at the heart of it all, a romantic saga - with vampires who predate the protagonist's great-great-grandparents, bare-chested werewolves and undeniably, wrist-slashingly 'emo' overtones. Other than the whole book AND movie series sound like a fantasy-porn gone horribly wrong. Also, there are shiny vampires. Isn't a single Shiney Ahuja doing enough damage to the world that they needed to put hoardes of Siny vampires on the loose? Why, Stephenia Meyer? WHY?

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